Love isn't software, but then again...it kind of is...

For those of you that don't know, I'm a software engineer. In as simple terms as possible, I implement rules. These are rules that help businesses save money, cut paper and generally do some boring thing over and over again that it makes no sense to pay someone to do. So as often as I like to think that I am able to keep my views about work separate from the views I have about...I don't know...love, I find that inevitably the two come together. When this happens I have to remind myself that love isn't software, but then again...it kind of is.

The first thing you realize when you write your first program that takes input from a user is that users are crazy! They will do all kinds of untold stuff outside of how you as the programmer designed the program to function. They will hack, they will scheme and create work-a-rounds, and when all else fails they will just lie and say “I didn't do that.” This is just the nature of people. This is why I write if-statement after if-statement to ensure that the user doesn't misbehave and break my software. This is the part of my software engineering life that bleeds over into my love life. As much as I want to “see where things go” when I meet someone, I know that if I don't set the rules up early and quick, I'll have hell to pay!

Why is there hell to pay? Love is like leaving a million dollars during the Clinton years(because in the Bush years a million isn't quite the same) in the middle of an open, public space and hoping that no one will come along and take it. Open and insecure scare good programmers and get bad programmers promotions into management. I struggle with letting myself be unsecured and to be honest, I want to encrypt and secure EVERYTHING! From conversations all the way down to when I feel it is OK to say “I love you.” I want to define the rules of engagement, or how this love thing is going to work.

Like software, love is never glitch-free. These glitches often come from trying to squeeze every possible bad thing a user might do out of the system. The gotcha of all the squeezing is that you have to write more and more rules into the system which usually creates more and more loop holes and points of friction. What is a lover and a programmer to do...?

The solution...

The more you program the more you realize that more rules make code complex and unmaintainable. There will always be back-doors where the user finds some clever way to push some button they shouldn't have access to just when the moons of Jupiter align correctly and cause the world to come to an end. Love like software is ultimately at its best when there are some basic principles and boundaries set but the appropriate amount of trust is given to those people that show themselves deserving. Love shouldn't be a hard, rigid and fixed system of yes and no's but one that evolves over time as we learn more and more about the people that push our buttons. Appreciate and love the hacker in your life.

"Merry Christmas" - Yep I Said It

It's a really cliché quote “The Reason for the season.”(Christ the Lord) but I am sort of disgusted by the pressure of our society to spend money to show everyone how “loved” they are.

I'm ranting about this for three reasons:

1. I hate when people try and mess with my mind(Yes, you Mr. Advertising Executive).
2. I'm born on Christmas and I HATE that people are trying to make it “standard” to say “Happy Holidays.”
3. Love is more than what we give on one day of the year, its what we show each other in the spare moments that matters.

1. I'm so tired of people trying to get me to spend money on Christmas or any other Holiday of the year. I work hard for the little I have in this world. Honestly I don't care what some business marketing executive tells me, the dollar in my pocket is worth more to me than any plastic electronic doo-dad that some company is hocking. Never do you hear any commercials on how to spend less and save more, while all you hear is how life is more special if you spend money. Where is the truth??? Where is that picture of the people that save money so that the unexpected hard-times come and go just like the good ones? Capitolism, you lie!

2. I'm tired of politcal correctness. I grew up in the South where being a Christian was common place. And while I will say it has been a great learning experience meeting people from different religious backgrounds and some that don't have one, I must say that I'm most offended that corporations and businesses have their employees say Happy Holidays instead of “Merry Christmas.” My reason is simple: Merry Christmas isn't preaching the gospel, or evangelizing Christianity, its the name of the holiday that we wish to be happy! I love being able to say “My birthday is on Christmas.” I wasn't born on some random festive day of the year, I was born on the same day that we celebrate the birth of Christ. The same day I was given life, was the same day the world was given hope of life ever-lasting.

3. Finally, gifts don't show love or admiration for someone, its the gifts of character, understanding and grace shown to each other in our worst moments that demonstrate real love. We spend money on gifts because we fail daily to show how much we love others and as the recipients of those gifts we fail to value the efforts of character by those people that love us the most. Gifts are tangible things that we can point to and say “They spent X dollars on me which means they think I'm Y special.” In truth, its ALWAYS easier to buy a gift than to devote ANY significant time caring and loving a person.

Spend Christmas thinking about how God has spent generations and generations of time with mankind, demonstrating His grace and love for us. Then if you believe, ask yourself do you live up to God's example of understanding, grace and tolerance with those people you are about to go a buy gifts...